Pinkie Promise

"I've got your back." 
It's a phrase we've all heard, probably more than once. Unfortunately, that's as far as it goes most of the time, because it's always easy to make promises when you're on a high. Realistically, we've all been a part of it, so there's no sense in being judgmental over it. We are human, and we need to accept that we aren't perfect, and neither are our friends. Sometimes people will make promises that they won't keep; it's life. 

So what, right? What's the big deal, anyhow? If everyone does it, then it's not really worth mulling over. But that's the point. We think just because 'everyone else' does things, that it excuses us for doing it, too. It's the same with promises. I've learned a lot about friendship in the last couple of years, and I know how much it sucks when you're on the receiving end of this. 

There's a great quote that makes me nod every time I read it. It says: "It's very easy to say 'busy' when someone needs you, but it's very hard to hear 'busy' when you need someone." 
Is it not the truest thing you've ever heard? 
It always seems like when you need people the most, they aren't there. Then you realise that you do the same thing to others. The point is, I don't think we take our promises seriously enough. And we don't realise it until we're the ones copping it. 

Telling someone that you've 'got their back' gives you a really big responsibility; and one day, they're going to need it. Humans were made to live together, support each other, and show each other care, love and friendship. It's as basic a need as water. That's why it's so important to take our promises seriously. People will rely on you to come through on your promises eventually.

I think the real problem with keeping promises is the way we perceive them. Allow me to explain this: when someone makes you a promise, you probably don't think much of it for a while. Then something happens, and you realise you need them. Let's be clear. Promises mean different things to different people, depending on their personal needs. For example, to some people, support could mean something as simple as a good conversation. For others, it means taking them out and spoiling them for a day (mostly girls;)), or just shouting them lunch. The point is, we all have our own definition of what support means to us. 

My definition of support has always been based around having a friend who I could talk to, because I learned quickly that those kinds of friends are hard to find. But my definition of support will probably differ from yours, and that's okay. Everyone has their own needs. They're generally shaped by something lacking in your life, your life experiences; and/or your view of the world and what's important. I realise this is getting a little deep, but it's important to understand these things. Basically, you need to appreciate that not everyone thinks the same way that you think. Therefore, their needs will be different, too. Don't expect people to be like you. 

We also forget that other peoples' needs are just as important as our own. Everyone wants to feel like someone hears them, like they're not alone in whatever they're going through. But it's so easy to become insensitive when it's someone else. Because it isn't you. And I think part of the reason karma comes back around, is to remind us what it feels like when we're in the lower position. It's telling us to remember what that feels like, and not forget about others when they're feeling low. This all comes back to the idea of basic human needs. 

Life is about give and take. And, like all good things, it's best in moderation. Don't expect to take your whole life without having to give. So remember, they need you just as much as you need them. Don't think it won't happen, because you'd be surprised at how soon you'll need someone to be there for you, too. And in all truthfulness, you really don't know what people are going through. Even if they fill you in, you can't really know how they feel unless you've been in the same situation. The best you can do is just be there for them. You could be the person to stop someone from making a really damaging decision, or just brighten their day. And you know they'll do the same for you when you need it. Trust me, they'll respect you for it. 

And if you already know you won't be able to offer them that support, don't make the promise. Don't get yourself into a position where you'll lose the trust with people you love and care about. You'll hurt them more making a false promise than you would just staying out of it in the first place. 

How do you know when you won't be able to go through with a promise?
You'll know you're not really dedicated to a promise if:
a) you're looking at your timetable before agreeing, 
b) if you have to 'get back to them', or
c) if you hesitate. 

It's that simple.
If you have to think about whether or not to help someone, then you probably didn't want to in the first place. And if you're not in it 100%, then you're better off leaving it alone. How do you do this? Be honest with yourself. Whether it's a gut feeling, or you're just too busy to help them out, you're always better off when you're honest about it. People have issues, sure; but they're not completely ignorant to the fact that you have a life, and your own set of responsibilities and problems also. Just don't say "I've got your back" if you know you can't cover them when they need it most, yeah?




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