How To Get Over A Break-Up

Everyone has to go through it some time or another. We might as well learn how to deal with it, too. So here's 15 awesome steps to getting over a break-up, explained Betina-style :P I found these online, but all the descriptions are my own.

Firstly, if you have recently been 'dumped', this list will be a Godsend. If you haven't, you'll relate to it eventually. But! that's not such a bad thing. Seriously, everything you learn from being with all the wrong people, will help you when you find the right person. Of course, this doesn't mean it'll be fun or easy, but you'll learn to see it differently once the dust settles and you remember that you have the best tips on how to move on. Okay, here we go.

#15: Make a clean break.
It's officially over. Don't lie around moping for the next month, thinking of what could've been. If you were meant to be together, you would still be together. It's harsh, but don't say you weren't told.

#14: Avoid being alone.
This one can be tricky, because usually when you've just come out of a relationship, you want to be alone. Forget whoever told you that was a good thing. Being alone gives you an ample amount of time to wish and regret and beat yourself up for whatever you did or didn't do. It's really important to surround yourself with people who make you feel good. It's like swallowing a huge pill:- everything in you doesn't want to do it at the time, but it'll make you feel a lot better later.

#13: Be productive with your time.
The problem with break-ups is you lose all motivation. Staying busy and being productive combat the empty feeling that comes from a break-up. Plus, you won't feel like you've wasted time, which is a horrible feeling on top of an already horrible ocean of feelings. Keep yourself busy, even if it's cleaning the house. You won't feel so helpless.

#12: Delete their contact information.
The last thing you want is to be reminded of them every time you scroll through your phone book. Or worse, to embarrass yourself with a drunk call. You'll only make a bigger mess of things. Just get rid of their detes altogether. You don't need the pain.

#11: Go to the gym.
Exercise is one of the best (and healthiest) ways to release the endorphins in your brain. Endorphins are chemicals in your brain that make you feel happier, and more positive about life. Plus, you get to work off some of those calories from all the ice-cream you're eating. Admit it.

#10: Change your surroundings.
This is open to interpretation, but it could be anything from rearranging your room, to hanging out at a different cafe. Don't put yourself through the torture of reliving all your could've-beens at the place you used to meet up with them. A sea change lets you have a fresh start, and will stop  you from dabbling in your memories of him/her.

#9: Don't try to rebound immediately.
Seriously. The only thing worse than going back, is trying to jump straight into another relationship. You're not at the emotional or psychological level to handle it. You're only adding one more problem to the equation. And the rebound usually ends up being dragged through your emotional rollercoaster that resulted from the ex. Do all three of you a favour and keep the rebound out of it, at least until you get over your ex.

#8: Spoil yourself.
You're going through a difficult time, and you could probably use a little retail therapy. Guy or girl, it's proven to help you feel better. Screw it, you deserve to splurge... a little. Just don't go crazy with it, or you'll go broke and feel even worse. But treat yourself to something nice. Buy some good-quality take-away and a new outfit. Or whatever you're into. Get something you love. 

#7: Pick up a new hobby.
Trying something new will help you move forward with your life. And who knows, you could end up finding a talent you didn't know you were any good at. It's also a great way to loosen up and have fun. 

#6: Don't hate yourself.
The damage is done. Whatever went down, remember, it takes two to tango. You were a part of it, but it's not all your fault. And the hard part to accept is, if you were meant to be, you simply would. That doesn't mean either of you are bad people; it just means you weren't right for each other, and that's okay. But don't put yourself down because it didn't work out. Life isn't always rosy, and you have to learn to deal with it.

#5: Talk to your best friends.
They know you the best, and even if they suck at giving advice, you know they'll always be there for support. A good sense of humour goes a long way, too. If your close friends can keep you laughing, they're doing just as good a job.

#4: Use a journal/diary.
Write down your feelings. It sounds lame, sure. But putting your feelings on paper really helps with the healing process. If you're not into writing, let it out some other way. Sing, dance, paint, draw something. Do whatever you can artistically to bring your feelings out in a healthy way.

#3: Deal with the pain in a healthy and responsible way.
Sure, you probably want to forget about it all and live it up. Getting trashed doesn't help you feel better, and it sure as hell isn't healthy for you, either. Everyone has to go through pain, but the important thing is to learn how to manage it in a healthy way. Life is going to keep throwing challenges at you, and if you don't find a way to process pain without harming yourself, you will only feel worse. Go for a jog. Buy a punching bag if it helps. Alcohol, on the other hand, is not going to save you. Forgetting only works for the night. Then you get to wake up with a slamming headache, a sick stomach, and an empty wallet. Not to mention, your heart will still be broken in the morning. Don't put yourself through that.

#2: Cry.
It's not a popular thing to talk about, but it's really important. Crying is just your body's way of releasing sadness and sorrow. So don't stop it from doing its thing. You're a human, not a robot, and it's OK not to be OK for a while. So play your song, get in bed, and let it out. 

#1: Don't re-think things.
What's done is done. Unfortunately, life doesn't come with a rewind button. So you can't go back and make it better. The best thing you can do for yourself right now, is to let it out, and let it go. You'll only drive yourself crazy with regrets if you hold on to it all. You need to believe everything will be alright, even if that's not today. You both screwed up, but you need to forgive your ex, and yourself. You don't have time to hold on to regrets. There are so many wonderful things life has to offer, and you can't fully embrace these things with unforgiveness in your heart. Let it go, and breathe. You owe it to yourself to move on and be happy. Forgiving doesn't mean you don't care, or that you weren't hurt; it just means your value of life is more important than holding a grudge.

Hope you all enjoyed it, and don't forget to like the official Facebook page at www.facebook.com/bettieteesblogspot. Or just search up 'Bettie Tee's Blogspot'. 

Silent Killers

This week’s blog is quite sensitive; however, there are some very real issues related to this topic, and it’s time someone spoke up. Today I want to talk about drugs. I can honestly say I have always been against them, but until this week, I’ve never felt so obliged to work the topic into a blog.

Example one: Cory Monteith. Yes, he is the most recent celebrity to lose his life to a drug overdose, but I have more reason than that to bring him up. Now, I can’t say I know everything about drugs and how people become addicted etc., but it physically hurts to think of how many young people are falling victim to the addictive qualities of drugs.

I know you’ve all heard it a million times: the recycled “don’t do drugs” mantra that adults repeat like breathing patterns until you learn to let the words dissipate into white noise, along with all the other life lessons you hear too much of. By the time you’re sixteen, you simply don’t listen anymore. It’s like you train your brain to automatically switch off when the words start to sound like the all-too-familiar speech. It’s not like you try to disrespect them, but there comes a point where you just stop caring. It’s human nature.

However, as you grow older and experience the world -- (not that I’m an expert, but I’ve had my moments) -- you start to feel the substance of truth in all of these ‘life lessons’ you’re brainwashed with as a child. For me personally, Monteith’s death was one of those moments. I’ve never done drugs, and don’t intend to either, but this one hit me like a big yellow school bus.

I was a huge fan of Glee during seasons 1 and 2. I got season 1 on DVD for my 17^th, and decided to watch it again a few weeks ago. I was halfway through the season when Monteith died. This isn’t about me loving Glee, or Cory for that matter. However, until these issues hit a little closer to home than some random on the news who died in their house on the other side of the country, you don’t really pay attention to it. So naturally, this was my closer-to-home experience.

The biggest tragedy isn’t even that he died of an overdose. What struck me was the lead up to his death. While he was in LA filming the show, he portrayed a young man getting his life back together. He spoke openly about his previous struggles with drugs, and even went to rehab in April to get help after he felt himself slipping back into his old habits. It takes a lot of strength to admit to having an addiction, and opening up when the whole world is watching, is clearly a lot harder than doing it privately. So I have to acknowledge his efforts. Nevertheless, he still died years before his time. When Cory would go home to Canada to see his family, he meddled with his old friends. Unfortunately, they encouraged heavy partying and drug abuse.

However, his downfall wasn’t temptation. If you have an addiction, you’re faced with temptation wherever you go. It comes with the territory. The silent killer when it comes to addictions (of any kind) is denial. Denial is the little voice in your head telling you that “you can handle it.” It tells you to test your boundaries. It convinces you to have ‘just a taste’. This quickly turns into “do it just one more time. You won’t die.” And the arrogant thing about being young and healthy is you think you’re invincible. You think you can handle things that are stronger than your immune system. Newsflash: you can’t. Before you know it, you’re addicted and alone. You become so obsessed with getting a hit that you lose focus on other priorities in your life.

That’s the problem with drugs. I’m not saying you should never have fun, but there are things in this world that aren’t worth the price you pay for them. You need to weigh up the consequences of what your definition of ‘fun’ is, before you try anything. Drugs don’t play for fun. They play for keeps.

By now, I’m probably copping a tonne of slander. Honestly, I am much happier to take it than to keep silent and pretend I don’t care. Really, how many more people need to die before we take this seriously?

Everyone goes on about how drugs ‘killed so-and-so’. But that’s only the last fragment of a long battle. The reality of drugs is a degenerative process. They take away your life, destroy your dreams, break up families, dry out bank accounts, and then kill you. Then your parents get the horrifying task of burying their children against the natural order of life.

I’ve debated the issue with a lot of people who don’t agree with me, and that’s fine. Each has the power of choice over their own life. I will never tell people what to do unless they’re my children, or someone asking for advice. I’m just saying that life is so much easier when you take someone else’s example as a lesson. Life is just way too short to learn every lesson first-hand. Frankly, I’m tired of seeing young people lose the next fifty years of their lives to addictions. But you play with fire, and it will burn. Don’t be foolish and expect different results to anyone else just because you’re young. That’s the definition of insanity. If Judy, Michael, Brittany, Pimp C, Amy and Cory could come back, I’m sure they’d say the same. That doesn’t even count the thousands of people who die of the same causes and aren’t remembered just because they’re not famous.

So please, please, please, just think before you do things. The effects of everything you say, do and touch will impact not only yourself, but all the people in your vicinity, too. I don’t think we consider them enough when we make careless choices. But you really need to remember that there are people who look up to you, rely on you, want to be you, people who smile just because you breathe, and people who love you, so much. Drugs carry a hidden and costly price tag, but life is simply invaluable.

Essentially, life is a series of small choices that build up to bigger things, like a puzzle. Each piece impacts the bigger picture. Just think about that while you’re writing the story of your life.

I hope you all enjoyed this week’s blog, and feel free to leave comments/feedback & suggestions for future blog topics. Don’t forget to like my facebook page at www.facebook.com/bettieteesblogspot to stay updated with my blogs etc. Alternatively, search up ‘Bettie Tee’s Blogspot’.

Expectations

Hello everyone! 

I hope you’ve all had a great week. Thanks so much for your patience with my blog this week. I just moved houses, and we’re having problems with the internet connection.

It’s pretty ironic that my blog this week just happens to be about expectations. Go on. Laugh.

Anyway, the reason I wanted to discuss this topic is that lately I’ve seen a lot of issues with expectations. You don’t have to agree with me, but from where I’m standing, it seems like everyone has these ridiculous over-sized expectations of the people around them. We expect the world from people, and then we wonder why they don’t deliver. 

Let me be specific about this. The issues I’m talking about here don’t include relationships. You should expect a lot from the person you love – it’s how you grow as a couple. If you’re never working towards anything in your relationship, then you can’t become stronger. And it’s the same with personal goals. If you know you can do better than what you are, you should always expect more of yourself. It’s motivation to make you work towards your dreams. 

The expectations I’m referring to are far less deep, yet far more common. Exhibit a: A friend of mine recently went on a date with a guy she didn’t know very well. The night went really well, but she just wasn’t feeling the spark. On the other hand, he was. He bought her a drink, kept his arm around her the whole night, and kissed her goodbye. He couldn’t wait to go out with her again. The next day, he messaged her to initiate another date, and she told him she just wasn’t interested in a relationship. He got upset and hasn’t spoken to her since. 

Okay, so he got rejected. Look, rejection’s going to hurt no matter who you are. That’s not the problem here. If you put this into retrospect, it was really just one good date. Whether you’re a guy or girl, you can’t force a spark. You either feel it or you don’t. But his expectations were so high that he didn’t even consider being rejected. This is dangerous, because when it hits, it hits a whole three times harder than it would have if his expectations were lower. He automatically assumed his chances were locked in. Assumptions are a close relative of expectations, but I’ll do a more specific blog on assumptions.

And it’s not just about dating. This applies to all sorts of situations. You might show up to a party expecting your best friend to come. Then he/she texts you to tell you they’re sick and won’t make it. What’s the automatic response to that? You get upset. But why should you let stupid things like this ruin your fun? 

Honestly, I’ve gone through that exact same feeling a thousand times. If my best friend didn’t show up to school one day, I automatically blamed her for me having a boring or bad day. Eventually I just got to the stage where I realised I needed to not depend on other people to decide what kind of day I was going to have. You need to decide for yourself that you’re going to make the most of every day. And if your friend doesn’t show up to that party, you shouldn’t let that stop you from enjoying yourself. 

To me, it’s such a sad, ridiculous and exhausting waste of time. Life is short, people. Even if it wasn’t, these letdowns are far too first-world to waste all that energy on. People are humans, not robots. A part of being human is imperfection. There are times when you just don’t feel like going out. You might agree to something and change your mind later if something happens that day. Or maybe you just moved houses and your internet isn’t set up yet, so you didn’t get to post your weekly blog on time… Go figure.

Things happen; it’s life. But it’s really important to remember your friends have days like this, too. And if they don’t show up, it’s really not the end of the world. It just means you need to find a way to enjoy yourself without them. Besides, there’re plenty of other people you can hang out with or talk to.

The point of this all is, life is so much easier when you don’t live it expecting everything from everyone else. You need to make up your mind before anything happens that you are going to be happy and grateful and enjoy your life whether something goes wrong or not. Let’s face it: if you wait for everything to be perfect, you’ll always have an excuse to blame others for how your day unfolds. And as harsh as it sounds, no one’s going to care anyway. 

They have a right to not be perfect, and so do you. So just stop expecting everyone to do everything exactly when and how you want them to. If you’re allowed to fall short of perfection, so are they. Maybe in some parallel universe in another dimension, we get it all right… Or maybe we just need to accept that crap happens and get on with it. And please – for the love of Ben & Jerry's cookies & cream – don’t expect people to do things for you that you know are simply impossible and unfair. If you wouldn’t do it for them, don’t expect them to do it for you. Come on people, let’s practise fairness.

Until next week, my lovely readers, please stay safe and responsible. And don’t forget to like our official facebook page. Just search up Bettie Tee's Blogspot, or go to www.facebook.com/bettieteesblogspot

Why Happiness Can't Be Found

Hello all! I hope you are all doing wonderfully. I would also like to thank my wonderful support system who encouraged me to start this blog. You are a beautiful group of people; don't forget it :)


Okay, so firstly, let's get a MAJOR myth sorted here. Happiness is NOT a destination. It's not a magical place at the end of a rainbow where nothing bad ever happens and life is all sunshine and fairy floss. If you prefer not to be introduced to reality, feel free to stop reading and go back to whatever you were doing. But if you're older than ten, you'll probably have this figured out by now... Hopefully. If not, I'm sorry to break it to you. Someone had to do it.

But let's look at this practically, because it's not really your fault that you think that way. You don't just come up with this idea on your own. You grow up with a bunch of sweet-talking adults who pat you on the head, telling you what a 'princess' or 'strong young man' you are, and on top of that, all your favourite Disney movies start with a damsel in distress living in a parallel universe where everything is a slice of hell and hardship. Then some wonderful and perfect prince rocks up and they run off to a magical kingdom where everyone lives happily ever after. The problem with childhood is you're taught to chase happiness. You're taught that it comes after all the 'bad stuff' is over. You're conditioned to think life is going to fall together exactly the way it does in fairy tales. And then you grow up and wonder if your happy ending will ever happen.

The harsh truth is, they don't happen. Happy endings don't exist. And I'm not just being a cold-hearted evil person who had too many people hurt me to believe in happiness. But we need to distinguish the difference between a 'happy ending' and actual happiness. I can tell you right now, if you're looking for a happy ending, you will never be happy. Like, ever. Yep, I went there.

Life wasn't supposed to be easy. But the difference between happy people and unhappy people, is simply that the former know how to be grateful for what they have, in the moment. Have you ever heard the expression, "The poorest people are usually the happiest" ? I can testify to seeing this quote ring true, over and over. If any of you like to travel, you'll see it, too.

The point is, if you're not happy, you should probably reflect on how grateful you are for what you have. No one has the 'perfect life', period. Even Gatsby died alone, and he had enough money to feed all of Africa. I really could write a three-thousand-word essay on this, but here's the short and sweet version.

I challenge all my wonderful readers, please consider what you think about the most. If the answer to that is a long list of my-life-is-a-disaster-and-I'd-rather-die- type things, then your energy is focused, but it's going the wrong way. If it's so easy to be negative, then what could you possibly lose by re-tuning your energy into positive things? Your mind is a reflection of how you train yourself to perceive the world around you. So it's really a matter of what you do to change that, from the inside-out. Don't wait for everything to be perfect. 

You'll be waiting until doomsday. You just need to focus on positive things, and be grateful for what you have right now.

The reason I say happiness can't be found, is because it's already in you. The problem is we don't see it through all the negativity that feeds our misery. So it's really as simple as putting your focus into more positive things. You can't change the people around you, and you can't change your situation (usually), so you're better off focusing on what you can change -- how you choose to look at things. Once you conquer your thought patterns, no matter what's going on around you, you can go through it and come out stronger on the other side.


The fact of the matter is, if you can't learn to be happy exactly where you are, with what you have right now, and whatever you're going through, then you won't be happy when it's over, either. Why? Because you won't relax for five minutes before finding something else that's wrong with your life. Then you'll start eating your feelings away, or moping around wishing your life was different, etc. There isn't a lot in life that's more tragic than living your life in misery. It's just too short.